8/06/09
S.T. Augustine, FL
The bastards hung me in the spring of '25.
Once again, a lot has happened. I got an amazing ride from Birmingham to Chipley, Fl. His name was Mike from Nashville. Really down to earth person. Just simply amazing.
Also stayed with a mother and daughter in a hotel room in Tallahassee, FL and that was pretty cool. I was kind of a dick to them but whatever. Then after that got another couple rides and this lesbian couple got me a room in Jacksonville, FL and here I am. Stumbled upon a sort of a commune once again. Oh I also met another traveler named Ray. We polished off a fifth and a couple beers in the morning and that's when I met the mother and daughter.
I ate by the sea in the pouring rain. It was beautiful. Watched the tides as they hit me in the face sitting with not a care in the world except meeting up with Emma and heading back to Portland, OR to get my shit together.
But with Emma always comes trouble. I called her today to let her know where I'm at and how close I am and she pulls the whole... I haven't heard from you in a few days etc etc etc. Basically told me she lost hope and got a job. In all... she is probably just fucking someone. I'm sitting outside a abandoned RV where some of the people stay. Alone. Well.. I got Bernedette. You know the funny part? I could fucking care less. I mean, I could already be in Portland living a pretty good life in a actual place but whatever.
I'll leave in a few days or so. I need a break anyways. I need a time for thought.
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8/29/09
Lexington, KY
SO as of now. As I sit here alone. I think everything happens for a reason and this is true. As to what it may be I dunno. But it really does.
Audrey got flown out to Pittsburgh to undergo rehab. She got on the needle again. I guess what comes around goes around.
Mike is facing felony charges at the moment for stealing. I guess to support her habits. Lost his job of five years and is on house arrest till his court date. He has been indicted to the grand jury.
Electra got her modeling career in Brooklyn. And is living happily fucking photographers.
Jennie is back in England selling heroin.
Shaun and Paiste (IN) are having a baby. And are just as happy as ever.
Ben Cross Overdosed. I never mentioned him. A good friend of mine, we ran into each other in Ocala this year.
Mouse is attending Reed College in Portland, OR.
Erick (IN) wrecked Shaun's car and is on his way back to prison. Guess thats also what he gets for getting me kicked out of Shaun's over his shit.
And Emma. The love of my life?
Well.
We met up.
I was flying a sign a couple weeks ago and I heard her voice. It was Emma. She found me. I can't believe it.I was reaching for a $20 bill this man was giving me and she came up behind me. Grabbed me harder than I've ever been grabbed before. I knew it was her. I saw her hand tats in front of me. Wrapped around me. Holding me. Then we kissed on the side of the road. It seemed like years we kissed. Her head in my shoulder saying "I found you, I found you." Almost in tears she was.
The other guys around the bridge that I talked to every day that also slept under there along with me all knew automatically who she was. Looked like a few of those old fellows were about to shed a tear as well.
A girl I was having sex with for a couple weeks named Jennie from England even knew. After all I would talk about her all the time to her. I knew she got tired of it but looked happy to say the least.
I gave the $20 back to the man as the light was about to change with a smile on my face.
We stayed there for one night and left bright and early the next day.
We didn't even sleep that night. Just looked in each others eyes. Talking. Loving on Bernedette and each other. Holding. Alive.
We got a ride pretty quick out of S.T. Augustine that day. Faster than I thought. We got picked up by a lady. Emma told her about how I traveled over 2,000 miles for her. The lady looked at us and smiled. Told Emma that if a guy ever did that for her she would marry him. I didn't want that tho. She dropped us off pretty much in the Ghetto of Jacksonville, Fl. So we merely just said the hell with it and walked the interstate.
There we got a ride from a off duty cop. It was late by the time he dropped us off. We were making our way to I-10 to get to Baldwin to hop a freight train out and ride the rails to the west coast. He took us to I-10 where we found a overpass to sleep under. That night we made love all night long. I think we slept maybe an hour at that. All she could say was I found you. I am sorry.
The next day as we got our packs together we had a disagreement on where to hitch out of. The dumbest argument ever. Needless to say we got stuck there at that spot. So we made camp again at the overpass where we made love for 9 hours or so. Within five minutes I was bitten by a brown recluse. Then a copper head came at us. We left in no time. Slept at a bus stop. We took turns so I could watch her while she slept. I didn't even sleep that night. She didn't either.
Around sunrise staff infection had already stepped in on my spider bite we were wet from rain, tired and weak.
We step up and the cops came.
Two cars.
They ran our names. She looked at me and told me that she loves me. The cop came back and told her to put her hands behind her back. Everything stopped once again. This time everything stopped.
She had a felony warrant. She asked the officer to give us a minute. He seemed not to mind.
We inserted words once again into spaces. Breath. Spaces in the air and the oncoming rain. Then it was pouring but we didn't mind. We kissed one last time. Although this one didn't seem like years. Only seconds. The cop quickly pulled her away and put her in the car. I watched as they started to pull off in the pouring rain as she muttering and mouthed the words "I love you."
"Stay Gold Travis. I love you."
That was the last time I ever saw Emma. The love of my life is gone. I stood there in the pouring rain watching as the rear end of the cruiser got smaller and smaller. Then. They were gone.
I probably stood there for a good ten minutes.
A car pulled up and asked if I was alright. Then he asked where are you going.
Baldwin.
It was on his way.
The whole ride I sat there in that passenger seat. Disillusioned. Dead inside. Gone.
He asked if I wanted a beer. It was a long ride and the more we rode the more I started to talk as the beers were coming. Before I knew it I saw the train yard. I asked to be let off there. Then he told me that they were under a tornado warning. I didn't care. Take me away. Take me somewhere far.
The man gave me $15 dollars and the rest of his beers. Also his number if the weather got worse. It was only 1:00 PM and it looked like it was 1:00 AM.
I told him thank you.
In one hour the train took off.
A week later I was in New Orleans. I lanced my leg on the train. I healed it myself. I was getting sick but I didn't mind.
Now here I sit. In Lexington, KY waiting on my mother to pick me up. But I'm actually going to hang here a few days.
But
Still writing. Exploring in my thoughts. Searching. Bernedette. Drunk calls. Keeping in touch here and there. Still thinking of you every night. Drinking here and there, I pretty much quit. Smoking. Dreaming. Patching up old wounds with new ones to be happier when I do drink alone.
Start my book collection back up. No more yellow lines. No more rails.
I need a change.
A change in life. A change for you. No more spare change.
No more signs. No more cardboard.
No more handcuffs sinking in my wrists.
Its my time to shine.
So as I sit here waiting for whats next I still look at what she wrote in my journal. Along with my last hangover count which was at #127. That's another chapter to come.
She is now facing two years.
But in a sense I am to.
To Emma.
We were born to lose.
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